Posts

GRUELLING WORK

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Afternoon, dear followers! I’ve received another e-mail from our elusive Mr. J! This time, he has asked that if I’m “going to insist on being so persistent” could I “at least lend a hand infiltrating Mepsi Corp.”! Mr. J has offered to share EVERY detail of his investigation into Mepsi—extraterrestrial management structure included—with me so long as I help him gain undercover access to the company…! It would seem that Mr. J was, in fact, a fellow theorist all along! Now, as my long-time readers will know, I’m not one to trust easily, but given that he is asking for information on a soda company that we already KNOW to be attempting to control our minds with nanochips, I can’t honestly see a good reason not to help him. Well, no reason except one, actually. You see, dear readers, I’ve just this morning discovered a rumor that the Academy has been putting kraken juice in the lunch gruel! Naturally, as I’m sure you’ll agree, this requires urgent investigation, but that does le...
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CONSPIRACY FM

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Afternoon, truth-seekers! So, it came to my attention early this morning that there was supposed to be a new Mepsi ad running for the first time on the radio today. I had been waiting to record it so that I could upload it for you to listen to, but I had been unable to find the right station! Eventually, after turning the dial on my radio for minutes on end trying to get it to change station, I realized that the sound I was hearing was my ridiculous dorm-mate loudly singing to himself down the hall… I’d been thinking the strange, muffled music was a sign that my radio was broken but, as it turned out, it simply needed a new pair of batteries. After checking my room for signs of “bird”-related sabotage and closing the blinds for good measure, I replaced the batteries and, to my surprise, found that I had accidentally tuned into a very strange station indeed! After a few minutes of listening, I found where the broadcast seemed to loop and recorded a sample to upload here, aft...
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MICROCHIPPED CANS

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Evening, dear readers! I spent my free time this morning doing some digging into Mepsi Corp. at the local library—turns out they have copies of papers going back decades… weirdos—and I’ve discovered ABSOLUTE PROOF that Mepsi are controlling my brain! Your brain… Well, OUR brains, anyway: I found a clipping that had been removed from one of the newspapers. It looked like someone had tried to redact the article but had accidentally dropped it back in the folder instead of destroying it! Naturally, seeing as how the article was supposed to have been removed anyway, I liberated it from the library and brought it back to my dorm. The headline alone should be enough to shock you! See for yourself: (Full size image here ) Okay… Actually, now that I’ve read that through properly, I realize that the journalist might not have been using the term “microchips” in quite the way I had been assuming… Well, this is a little embarrassing—I didn’t actually have anything else planned for ...
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J IS FOR JOGGING

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Fellow theorists! Explosive news! I have been contacted DIRECTLY by the elusive Mr. J! This very morning, I received an e-mail requesting that I “stop poking around, kid” and that, if I’m not careful, I might “blow his cover”… You of course know what this means, my dear followers: I WAS RIGHT!!! You only get this sort of response when you’re onto something! Naturally, once I’m done with today’s little expedition to the foot of the mountains in search of dinosaur droppings, I’ll be redoubling my efforts to track down this “J” character with renewed vigor! A “bird” just flew past my window, so I’ll keep the remainder of this article brief: I actually won an invitation to a promotional “Fun Run” (whatever one of those is supposed to be) inside a two liter bottle of Mepsi… which I only bought for research purposes, you understand. Anyway, the promotion, much like ALL Mepsi-related scheming, seemed highly suspicious, so I decided to include a scan for you all to inspect: (Full size ...
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SPOOKY SIGNAGE

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Awakened readers, While I was out searching for more evidence on the dinosaurs living in the forests by Kraken Academy (still no luck on that front—I’m starting to think they might have migrated further up into the mountains since I found that malformed, almost hobo-shaped footprint by the side of the road) I spotted a girl from the Academy taking photographs and an idea struck me! I just can’t seem to stop thinking about the shady dealings going on at Mepsi. Getting my mind to focus on other things might be easier if I didn’t constantly catch myself humming that damn jingle whenever I stop paying attention. I’ve been feeling frustrated and uncharacteristically thirsty ever since finding that locked admin area file on the Mepsi website so I thought, why not offload some of the work onto a freelancer! The girl was… uncommonly pretty, so I decided to leave an anonymous note for her, offering a few shlotinki for some photographs of Mepsi signs and billboards around town. Her r...
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JINGLE HELL

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Evening, like-minded followers! Okay, so, I admit, I might have gotten a little overexcited yesterday over what was, essentially, a glorified password reminder BUT, now I’ve had chance to poke around the Mepsi Corp. website, I can confidently say that there’s definitely something suspicious about this company! After logging in to the members area of the website, I found a suspicious archive of “sensitive documentation” for download in the admin area with a very unusual password prompt. This is clearly evidence that Mepsi Corp. keep the master control codes for their microchips hidden on their website for easy access. What else could a soda company possibly need that much security for?! Their “secret formula”? Pah! Although… Actually, nevermind that for now. I have more Mepsi-related news! After yesterday’s debacle, I’ve been paying a lot more attention to the Mepsi ad jingle on my radio. After overcoming a sudden and inexplicable craving for sugary drinks, I decided to record ...
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MYSTERIOUS MR. J

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Afternoon, fellow truth-seekers! First, a quick update on the “birds” situation: as planned, I managed to lure one of the little pests into my room with a trail of strategically placed seeds leading onto my desk. Once I was certain it was distracted with the bait, I slammed the window closed and confronted the devilish creature, demanding it reveal its name, rank and serial number! Unfortunately, I had not anticipated such firm resistance from such a diminutive agent of the state! Not only did it peck and claw at my face until I opened the window and let it escape, but it also unleashed a noxious chemical attack all over my desk! The creature said only one word before it left, looking me dead in the eye with those black little beads as it spoke from the windowsill: “Quad-Core”. My dear followers, this strange, poorly-pronounced computer jargon can only mean one thing: these “birds” are not government agents at all… I now suspect, given the soulless eyes and their inbuil...
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