J IS FOR JOGGING

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Fellow theorists!


Explosive news! I have been contacted DIRECTLY by the elusive Mr. J! This very morning, I received an e-mail requesting that I “stop poking around, kid” and that, if I’m not careful, I might “blow his cover”… You of course know what this means, my dear followers: I WAS RIGHT!!! You only get this sort of response when you’re onto something! Naturally, once I’m done with today’s little expedition to the foot of the mountains in search of dinosaur droppings, I’ll be redoubling my efforts to track down this “J” character with renewed vigor!

A “bird” just flew past my window, so I’ll keep the remainder of this article brief: I actually won an invitation to a promotional “Fun Run” (whatever one of those is supposed to be) inside a two liter bottle of Mepsi… which I only bought for research purposes, you understand. Anyway, the promotion, much like ALL Mepsi-related scheming, seemed highly suspicious, so I decided to include a scan for you all to inspect:

(Full size image here)

Now, I WOULD go myself, if only to investigate the event but, as long-time readers will know, I simply can’t abide exercise. It’s more than clear to me that getting us fit and healthy is EXACTLY what the extraterrestrial lizard-people behind companies like Mepsi want. I imagine they plan to use all of us as nice, cheap slave labor the very moment enough of us have developed “biceps” or “a resting heart rate below 100bpm”. Eugh.

By all means, if one of you is feeling brave enough to attend, then please feel free to take my place. Although, now I say that, I realize there doesn’t seem to be an actual location for the event on the promotion… Oh well, no great loss.

Right, time to head out to the mountains! Slowly, of course. I wouldn’t want to accidentally form too much muscle mass… Can’t let the lizards win, even in the name of truth!


Stay strong! (But not TOO strong!)


- KK

Join the investigation at https://discord.com/invite/J2dSfmH


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