MYSTERIOUS MR. J
Afternoon, fellow truth-seekers!
First, a quick update on the “birds”
situation: as planned, I managed to lure one of the little pests into my room
with a trail of strategically placed seeds leading onto my desk. Once I was
certain it was distracted with the bait, I slammed the window closed and
confronted the devilish creature, demanding it reveal its name, rank and serial
number!
Unfortunately, I had not anticipated such
firm resistance from such a diminutive agent of the state! Not only did it peck
and claw at my face until I opened the window and let it escape, but it also
unleashed a noxious chemical attack all over my desk!
The creature said only one word before it
left, looking me dead in the eye with those black little beads as it spoke from
the windowsill: “Quad-Core”.
My dear followers, this strange,
poorly-pronounced computer jargon can only mean one thing: these “birds” are
not government agents at all… I now suspect, given the soulless eyes and their
inbuilt chemical defense system, these creatures are, in fact, advanced robotic
drones!
This situation clearly requires further
study. In the meantime, I have cleaned my desk and moved it away from the
window for good measure. I hope the scratches heal quickly…
In other news, I have a BIG lead in the
case of the soda companies and their microchip plot! While inspecting one of
their sinister machines for listening devices, I found a strange note peeking
out from underneath:
(Full size image here)
Who knows what personal secrets this
machine could be collecting from the microchips in the cans it distributes to
the students! I’m going to attempt to crack the code tonight and find out
exactly what this mysterious Mr. J is planning…
Don’t let the sheeple drag you down, friends!
Stay tuned for updates,
- KK
